So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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