i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Randomize
