I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
