I just made out with a guy for $7.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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