haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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