; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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