So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
