ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
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He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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