I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
