All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
