wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
