i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
