Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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