i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
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Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
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Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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