Don't make out with my wife yet
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
