when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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