Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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