It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
