Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
