Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize