he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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