ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
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My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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