Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
