So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
