my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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