when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
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Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
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I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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