We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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