I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
