This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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