this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize