the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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