is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
