pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
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He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
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I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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