There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
