Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
