hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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