It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
