I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
