we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
