Is it because I queefed?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
