I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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