i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i will never coherently bang her
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
