We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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