If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
