I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
