my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
