Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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