I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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