just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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