Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
