This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize