that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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