you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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