then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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