I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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