That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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