so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
