my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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