you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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