You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
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i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
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That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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