Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
