I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
