I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
